>What Vegetable Are You?


[Min første udgave, på dansk, kan findes her]

I bet you know the kind of thing. What colour are you? What animal are you? What vegetable or fruit are you? You probably just toss something off, but I have had plenty of time to think about it recently. What kind of vegetable am I?

I would really like to be a strong, crunchy carrot. Full of colour and bite, even better raw than cooked, just ready to eat. Or what about a peach? Silky skin in beautiful, coordinated colours and a sweet, succulent core. The kind of fruit you would put in a pretty bowl and display on the table.

Actually, I think I am more like a leek or a celery stick. Long and lanky, bristling wisps on top, and no redeeming bends or curves. No good at using my feeble limbs, and speaking my own cause, that is just not me.

I find myself wavering between the two. Leek or celery, celery or leek? Perhaps my colour of skin can solve the issue? Discreetly, I cast sidelong glances down myself. Would one call the main impression pale green or maggot white? I am finding it still harder to find words for the exact nuances, but they are far from pretty. Neither can I deny there is a stark or importunate smell to me now and then. Don´t you think I know that I have been lying around in this buzzing cold counter beneath the clinical neon tubes for too long?

Most of the time I am just waiting. Once in a while lovely women pay me attention, stroking their life giving hands down my skinny body, dwelling briefly here and there. Some of them wear gloves. I don´t like that much, it creates such a distance between us. Oh, this one didn´t take me with her home either.

I do understand you, sister, I am completely useless, and would just lie about, rotting in your vegetable bin, old and stringy as I am after three months on my back.

What I loathe most of all is when there is more than one of them. When they stand there, discussing my future prospects as if I were not there. If I could just get one word in. Please, someone, couldn´t you just try to listen! All I am trying to say is, “please switch off that bloody machine!”

About Dorte Hummelshøj Jakobsen

I am a Danish teacher. In my spare time I read, write and review crime fiction.
This entry was posted in flash fiction, Writing exercise. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to >What Vegetable Are You?

  1. Sherrie says:

    >Hi Dorte,I think I would like to be a carrot also! I love carrots raw with a little Ranch dressing. Thanks for stopping by my place. Have a great evening!Sherrie

  2. lilly says:

    >Oh, that’s such a great and clever post. A carrot, huh? I never thought about it but going by my favorites it would have to be a tomato.

  3. Dorte H says:

    >Hi Sherrie, I agree that carrots are appealing in many ways. And now I can wish you a great day 😉 Lilly, thank you. But I think I made the story too subtle. As far as I can see, you have not guessed what kind of vegetable I am really thinking of? (You will have to remember my sinister, criminal mind;))

  4. Nille says:

    >You almost convinced me on the carrot thing there… but a leek is a very sensual vegetable as well… and celery is a very fun one with all that green curly hair!Many options indeed! As well as many reasons 😉

  5. Julia Smith says:

    >’Would one call the main impression pale green or maggot white? I am finding it still harder to find words for the exact nuances, but they are far from pretty.’ – LOL! That’s hilarious.I think if you want to be a peach, be a peach.What sort of vegetable would I be…? …hmm… Spinach, I think. Raw or cooked, I’d be packed with nutrients. And I make an exquisite meatless lasagna.

  6. Dorte H says:

    >Nille, thank you for playing along. Julia, thank you to you too for your kind words. – and now I have let the cat out of the bag (look above) 🙂

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